Strength in Numbers
- Feb 20, 2018
- 7 min read
I literally just sat down at my desk, with my coffee and notepad, and made a list of everything that I have done since the holidays. I'm not even sure one blog post will cover it all. And I just had to add to the list because I remembered more while typing. I have been away for so long I don't even know where to begin. I guess I will start here. After the period, at the beginning of the paragraph. I'm being very literal; because over the break, things got real. First, I want to express how grateful I am for my family and friends. Sometimes I feel that without my main support system, I wouldn't be able to make it through. I remind myself constantly that I am stronger than I think and I am way stronger than I feel. Unexplained events happen in life, and often times they are hard to comprehend. I guess it was my fault for starting a blog. I am supposed to be personable. I am supposed to be relatable. Is it real if I
don't tell you everything?
It has taken my a while to find the right words and my thoughts have been jumbled. I grew up in a very small town and was fortunate enough to live 5 minutes away from my grandparents. Needless to say, the distance really didn't matter. I spent the majority of my weekends at their house. We would take long walks, pick honey suckles, watch the birds, plant gardens, pick vegetables, go to church, make popcorn in the middle of the night, smoke fake cigarettes, eat copious amounts of junk food, watch Price is Right and Wheel of Fortune, sing country at the top of our lungs, and put off bed time by playing in the dark. As I got older, one of my favorite places was still my grandparents house. I would spend the night as a teenager and my grandma would drive me by the houses of my boy crushes. We would still go to church and play bingo on Wednesday nights. I would go to the church bizarre where we would do the raffle and make bids. My grandparents got me ready for my Sophomore Prom in High School. I remember we cut out all of the tulle from my best girlfriend's dress. My grandpa had the biggest belly laugh and my grandma had the sweetest smile. My grandpa passed away whenever I was in High School and my Sophomore Prom were some of the last memories I had with him. I am so glad my parents happened to be out of town that weekend. As I got older, my favorite place to nap was on my grandma's couch. She always had snacks and I was always hungry. She started having back pain as she got older and she was placed in a Nursing Home. She had a porch and we would sit outside and feed the birds and make bird sounds to get their attention. We would talk about life and family. Before she went into her last surgery, I visited and we talked about the risks of the surgery. She was very head strong and she was also in a lot of pain. My grandma is one of the strongest women I have ever met. And she was absolutely beautiful. Everyone said we always looked alike and were frequently asked the question if my grandparents adopted me. She introduced me to what a manicure was and, without my mom's permission, had tips put on my nails. She always wore blue eye shadow and her blonde hair was perfectly placed. My grandma passed away on Christmas Eve. I woke up at 4:30 am with a feeling that something wasn't right. I knew. I went downstairs and woke up my mom. We then drove to the nursing home where she had passed away early that morning. I had a mini breakdown the night before because we all knew that she wasn't doing well. My mom asked me if I wanted to go see her and I said no. I said no. I cried and said no. I wish I would have been in a better state of mind and said yes. But, I said no. I always had a connection with my grandma. Deep down, we had the same heart. We had the same humor. And we have the same strong will.
Christmas Eve will eventually be the same. We had the same big party where we made everyone's favorite food. We had all of our family and friends there. We still attended Christmas Eve Mass and everyone was dressed to the nines. Everything was the same, except one thing.
When I got home from church, I immediately changed into my pajamas and cried. I cried throughout the White Elephant Gift Exchange because there wasn't a silly gift that Nana brought, out of revenge from the year before. I had no one to sit next to and hold my hand our play with my hair. I didn't have anyone to check on to see if they needed water. My body was there, but my heart wasn't. Everyone else enjoyed themselves and I heard it was a great time. I will try again next year.
Travis and I enjoyed a nice relaxing camping trip to Enchanted Rock, which came at the perfect time. It felt right being in nature and hiking. The cold weather gave me some relief and I was finally able to take a deep breath and breathe. The cold shower helped, too.
We made Campfire Chili and S'Mores. We hiked to the top of Enchanted Rock and took an endless amount of pictures. Everyone of course had to stop and pet Oliver. The nights were freezing in the tent and it was nice to know that we needed each other to keep warm. Oliver's heat helped also. Coffee had never tasted so good as it did being brewed on the campfire. On the way home we got a little slice of heaven from Home Slice in Austin. It was a small detour that made everything come together and worthwhile. We always feel at home in Austin.
New York was as glamorous and beautiful and magical as I thought it would be. I did everything on my bucket list. I ran through central park and got coffee from vendors, we walked all around, we took the subway, we ate in Chinatown and bargained for a bag, we went to the World Trade Center, saw the 911 Memorial, drank more coffee and hot chocolate, got fancy for dinner at 21 Club, ate breakfast each morning at a different diner, shared a frozen hot chocolate at Serendipity, saw the Rockette's and School of Rock, we happened to be in Time Square for the New Year's Eve rehearsal, and we had Cocktails during tea time at the Russian Tea Room.
And finally, this is something huge to talk about. I DID IT! I ran my first ever full marathon. I ran 26.2 miles. I ran the Chevron Houston Marathon. How many times do I have to say it before I believe it?? It is literally something I will always remember. I will remember all the people who came out to support, I will remember Travis making sure I had a blueberry cake donut in the morning and water along the course, I will remember my "Great White Hope" sign my Dad made,
I remember seeing my Mom, Sister, Patrick and all of their friends at mile 18, I will remember feeling like I couldn't finish at mile 20, I will remember seeing my Aunt and Uncle at mile 22 and crying, I will remember the pain that my feet and legs felt, and I will always remember that even when your mind and body tell you that you can't, you will find a way to push through. I always find a way to relate everything in life to running. You can push through anything. Things may be painful and emotionally draining. At certain times, I can't even see an end in sight and all I see is the pain. No matter what, you will be able to cross that finish line. You might have to sit and take a short break.
Maybe even walk instead of run. No matter what it takes to get there, just promise me that you will make it. Because the end is always so sweet. I even find myself looking back and thinking "well, that wasn't so bad." Believe in yourself and your abilities. And if you ever have doubts, turn to the people that love and support you. It's okay to ask for help and encouragement. I couldn't have done the marathon without it and I am one hundred percent sure that I couldn't do this life without it.
And now time for the outfit. I love this look for work. It is casual, but work sophisticated. My shirt is J.Crew from Buffalo Exchange. The J.Crew shirt was orginally $70.00, I bought it for $15. I have found that the Express Original Fit Portofino Shirt is most similar. They come in all colors and have many different prints. My Navy Blue pants are my favorite from Gap, the broken-in straight Khakis. They do not make the broken-in straight khaki anymore. I am always able to find them at either Buffalo Exchange or Plato's Closet. Their most similar pant right now are the Girlfriend Twill Stripe Chino. They are currently on sale for $30.00, originally $60. They also have an additional 40% off or 20% off with your purchase online. Finally, the belt. It is a reversible belt from Tory Burch . This was a Christmas present from my mom a year ago. It is my absolute favorite. The belt is timeless and can be worn with anything and everything. I found this belt when it was super on sale, which is still too much. I would not recommend buying brand new from the Tory Burch website. Look on Poshmark and find it much cheaper. My flats are also from Gap. They are still available, but I bought them a long time ago. Classic.
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